just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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