i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize