I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
