went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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