I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So much Jack, so little girl.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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