You don't have asthma, your pregnant
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
