im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
