Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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