Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
