In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Shame - the story of my life.
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