no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
