he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
