I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
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I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
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I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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