She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
