when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
