The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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