Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
