I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
