Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
