i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
