living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
