I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
