Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
