I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
last night I used snow as a chaser
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