I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
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There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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