Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
