Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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