I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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