3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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