His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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