I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
