he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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