i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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