Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
