Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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