Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
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I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
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There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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