I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
