kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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