don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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