He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
