4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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