True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
whose parrot is this?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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