i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
