from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
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Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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