dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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