he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
