Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
