piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
