I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
wow bdsm is so cute
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Shame - the story of my life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
