worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
