...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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