Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
