I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
