We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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