if i died would you start the facebook group?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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