Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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