Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
