Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
