You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
