I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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