his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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