I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
