i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
