My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
be right there i have to get my cape
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
