If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
