"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
