thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
