This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
