woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
