I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
