I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
