Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
