i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
