Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
