So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
