This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
