im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
