well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
