I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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