quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
