it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
