He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
