it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
